A man in Phoenix calls his son in New York the day before Thanksgiving and says,"I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough. "Pop, what are you talking about?" the son screams. We cannot stand the sight of each other any longer," the father says. "We are sick of each other, and I am sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Chicago and tell her." Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. "Like heck they are getting divorced," she shouts, "I shall take care of this," She calls Phoenix immediately, and screams at her father, "You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I am calling my brother back, and we will both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?" and hangs up. The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. "Okay," he says, "they are coming for Thanksgiving and paying their own way."

A typical parent trick at its best...

I am a parent and I am fortunate as I dont have to blackmail our progeny to come and see us

A meteorology professor stood before his Meteorology 101 class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly he picked up a very large and empty glass mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The professor then picked up a jar of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles, of course, rolled into the open spaces between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar and of course the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous yes. The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and then proceeded to pour the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the grains of sand. The students laughed. "Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things -- your family, your partner, your health, your children, your friends, your favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. "The pebbles are the other things that matter, like your job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff. "If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for your life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. Play another 18. "There will always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner party and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented. The professor smiled. "I am glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there is always room for a couple of beers."

How true, how true, always room for a beer or two...

Sorry for my silence. I am just not getting better. Might have to wait a few more days until I am back on my feet again. I really dont feel like cracking jokes and lost even interest in SC.

Sorry to hear that Zaphod. Take things easy as much as you can. You have been on a major trip and travel and staying in unfamiliar environments is exhausting. It's no wonder you have got ill. Solitaire takes a lot of concentration, particularly on a competitive site like this one. I'm too busy and tired to play much at the moment, but I come on the site and read the posts anyway.

Thank you for your encouragement @veronicarose. It lifted my spirits which are a bit low now. You are right. At 85 a trip like we had with all the unpleasant experiences can leave one impaired for a wile. I am getting better though or at least I can say I am stable. Thank you for writing.

@zaphod, hopefully you are on the mend, get plenty of rest and drink liquids, stay healthy my friend...

Thank you James. I am truly trying but at 85 it is a challenge which is new to me. But in general I am on the mend and even held my clinic to day and have seen and solved three clients problems. So I am also hopeful to be back on my feet soon. Thank you for concern

@zaphod, whenever you are ready to get caught up on some of the games, let me know and I will email you...best regards J.

@zaphod was really sorry to hear about your wifes sister. In hopes you have a safe trip. My prayers for you and your wife and may the lord bless you and keep you both safe and in good health...until your return...best regards...James

Three Pastors in the south were having lunch in a diner. One of them said, "You know, since summer started I have been having trouble with them flying bats in my loft and attic at church. I have tried everything, but nothing seems to scare them off. Another pastor said "Yes, me too. I have got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I have even had the place fumigated, and they will not go away!" The third pastor said, "I baptized all mine, made them members of the church, and they have not seen one back since!"

A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, I have decided to plant some lettuce in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter: "Dear Wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "Dear Husband, You would not believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter back: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the lettuce."

A tour guide was taking a group of children on a hike in the desert when one boy asked him whether he had ever come face to face with a wolf. "Yes," said he, "I did come face to face with a wolf once. What made it worse was that I was alone and unarmed." "What did you do?" asked the boy. "What could I do? First, I tried looking him straight in the eyes but he slowly advanced towards me. I crept back, but he kept on coming, nearer and nearer. I had to think fast." "Wow! How did you get away?" "As a last resort, I just turned around and walked quickly to the next cage.

Zaphod I'm sorry about your problems and sorrows during the last few months, but glad that you are now back home and well enough to contribute to the site once more.

Thank you for comforting words

A family had twin boys whose only resemblance to each other was their looks. If one felt it was too hot, the other thought it was too cold. If one said the TV was too loud, the other claimed the volume needed to be turned up. Opposite in every way, one was an eternal optimist, the other a doom & gloom pessimist. Just to see what would happen, on the twins birthday their father loaded the pessimists room with every imaginable toy and game. The optimists room he loaded with horse manure. That night the father passed by the pessimists room and found him sitting amid his new gifts crying bitterly. "Why are you crying?" the father asked. "Because my friends will be jealous, I will have to read all these instructions before I can do anything with this stuff, I shall constantly need batteries, and my toys will eventually get broken." answered the pessimist twin. Passing the optimist twins room, the father found him dancing for joy in the pile of manure. "What are you so happy about?" he asked. To which his optimist twin replied, "There is got to be a pony in here somewhere!"

A pony indeed...

Hello James: What about this pony? Puny puny? Q: What do you call a promiscious pony? A: A Little Whorse