What is the fiercest flower in the garden? A tiger lily!

Whats striped and bouncy? A tiger on a pogo stick!

What flies around your light at night and can bite your head off? A tiger moth!

What 4 animals does a woman need in her life? A mink on her back, a jaguar in the garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass to pay for it all.

What's the silliest name you can give a tiger? Spot.

On which day do tiger eat people ? Chewsday !

A lion would never cheat on his wife. But a Tiger Wood.

A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him."

woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking a round with a fly swatter. "What are you doing?" she asked. "Hunting flies," He responded. "Oh, killing any?" She asked. "Yep, three males, two females," he replied. Intrigued, she asked, How can you tell? He responded, "Three were on a beer can, two were on the phone."

Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out very late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You are running around with other women," she charged. "You are being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You are the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you are doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs!"

How true..

A worried husband goes to visit the Doctor. "Can you please help me, I dont know what to do. I feel Im losing my mind. Every time my wife goes to Cheers Bar she picks up any man and sleeps with him. What should I do?" "First of all you need to calm down", says the Doctor. "Now, tell me exactly where I can find this Cheers bar?"

A happily married couple were celebrating their 60th wedding anniversary. Over a celebration dinner the husband asked the wife if she had ever cheated on him during their marriage. "Well", replied the wife, "yes I did, three times". The husband was disappointed but asked her for her reasons. "Well", replied the wife, "do you remember when we were young and we needed the loan from the bank manager to buy our home?" The husband was shocked, but he respected the sacrifice she had made for their marriage. But what about the second time, enquired the husband. "Well", replied the wife, "do you remember when you needed that life saving operation?" "Oh darling", replied the husband, "you did that to save my life, you are truely a wonderful wife". "Now please", says the husband, "tell us about the third time you made a brave sacrifice for me". "Well", says the wife, "do you remember when you wanted to be President of the local gold club and you were 187 votes short".

A successful husband is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man!

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about his future until he gets a wife!

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife.

Many years ago when I was 23, I got married to a widow. this widow had a grown up daughter. My father fell in love with her, and soon they got married. This made my Dad my son-in-law and changed my very life. See below how: My daughter was my mother too because she was my father's wife! After a few years I became father of a baby boy complicating the matter further. My son became the brother-in-law of my father!

A psychiatrist is a person who will give you expensive answers that your wife will give you for free.

OMGosh, those were too much !!