A drunk staggers out of a bar smack into two clergymen. "Do you know that I am god?" says he to one. "Oh no you are not!" responds the clergyman. The drunks turn to the other clergyman and says: "Do you agree that I am god?". The second clergyman responds that he is not. So the drunks says: "Come on, I shall prove it to you" and drags the two clergymen into the bar. As they enter the man at the bar cries out" Oh my god are you back again?"

I've enjoyed another 3 pages of jokes this morning to cheer me up for being one move away from low score New game starts in 15 minutes.

That was one funny joke @zaphod !!

Neurotics build castles in the sky. Psychotics live in them. Psychiatrists collect the rent.

If you were to connect to a Psychiatric Hotline nowadays when no human answers and you have to chose what you want, you would now hear: Welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly. If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2. If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5, and 6. If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call. If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press. If you are depressed, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer. If you are delusional and occasionally hallucinate, please be aware that the thing you are holding on the side of your head is alive and about to bite off your ear.

I will definitely not be calling that "Hot Line"...

You could really go insane and plead insanity for relief. It would be too much like doing the same thing over again and expecting different results.

A proud father was showing a fellow worker a picture of his five grown sons. His friend asked what they did for a living. The father said the older two are doctors and the youngest two are lawyers. The friend asked about the middle son and the father said, "Oh, he's a plumber. Someone had to pay for all the others' educations."

A special joke for today: Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I should go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"

More school jokes for today. You would believe I am a teacher?! Why did the broom get a poor grade in school? I don

2 more funny ones @zaphod...

Confucius say: Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.

I dont know any jokes about patient patients, but here is one about an impatient patient: A man speaks frantically on phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

Add another to the @zaphod collection !

Cash cows control bull market stocks!

That is a good one. Robin will like that

Yes, he may like that...

Last one for today: A man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out in the car still does!"

I had to post this one as I discovered it by accident and it is a new one for me: A guy goes to a travel agent and books a two-week cruise for himself and his girlfriend. A couple days before the cruise, the travel agent calls and says the cruise has been canceled, but he can get them on a three-day cruise instead. The guy says "OK," and goes to the pharmacy to buy three Dramamine and three condoms. Next day, the agent calls back and says he now can book a five-day cruise. The guy says he will take it. Returns to the same pharmacy and buys two more Dramamine and two more condoms. The following day, the travel agent calls again and says he can now book an eight-day cruise. Guy says, "OK," and goes back to the pharmacy and asks for three more Dramamine and three more condoms. Finally, the pharmacist asks, "Look, if it makes you sick, how come you keep doing it?"

That joke reminds me of the game today ! Pretty funny...