What did I tell you about whispering all those sweet nothings in her ear. ? It will backfire for sure.

I am at a loss for words, you crack me up!!

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in Heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I dont know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. "What if it does not work out?" they wonder, "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things dont work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "Whats wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Geez!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long its going to take for me to find It got crowded in heaven, so, for one day it was decided only to accept people who had really had a bad day on the day they died. St. Peter was standing at the pearly gates and said to the first man, "Tell me about the day you died." The man said, "Oh, it was awful. I was sure my wife was having an affair, so I came home early to catch her with him. I searched all over the apartment but could not find him anywhere. So I went out onto the balcony, we live on the 25th floor, and found this man hanging over the edge by his fingertips. I went inside, got a hammer, and started hitting his hands. He fell, but landed in some bushes. So, I got the refrigerator and pushed it over the balcony and it crushed him. The strain of the act gave me a heart attack, and I died." St. Peter could not deny that this was a pretty bad day, and since it was a crime of passion, he let the man in. He then asked the next man in line about the day he died. "Well, sir, it was awful," said the second man. "I was doing aerobics on the balcony of my 26th floor apartment when I twisted my ankle and slipped over the edge. I managed to grab the balcony of the apartment below, but some maniac came out and started pounding on my fingers with a hammer. Luckily I landed in some bushes. But, then the guy dropped a refrigerator on me!" St. Peter chuckled, let him into heaven and decided he could really start to enjoy this job. "Tell me about the day you died?", he said to the third man in line. "OK, picture this, I am naked, hiding inside a refrigerator ..."

I find it hARD to believe you being at a loss for words.

Seriously, I did not have a comeback, still dont. I go along reading the posts and there yours, as crisp as day. I am still chuckling about it.

An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you are an engineer. You are in the wrong place." So, the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they have air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy. One day, God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer, "So, how is it going down there in hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We have air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there is no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next." God replies, "What? You have an engineer? That is a mistake. He should never have gotten down there; send him up here." Satan says, "No way." I like having an engineer on the staff, and I am keeping him." God says, "Send him back up here or I will sue." Satan laughs uproariously and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are you going to get a lawyer?"

A miser arrives at the pearly gates asking for admission. St . Peter asks him if he has done any good deeds in life in order to deserve admission. After some thinking the miser recollects that once he gave a child who lost his money going to the store 25 cents. St. Peter asks: "Is that all your good deeds?" The man replies: " I also gave a women who needed money for bus fare 25 cents". St.Peter cant decide if these deeds are good enough so he asks St. Gabriel for advice. After some thinking St. Gabriel says to St. Peter: " Give him back his 50 cents and send him to hell!"

@zaphod, I was going to post that same joke(with a variation) last night but thought better not because of the "H" !! This game making any sense? Down to 130 but cannot find the way to 124.

I am still only at 140, but I have now so little time to "waste" on trying to compete.

Yes, I know the feeling!! Sometimes there are good clues that can be followed, most often, there are not.

At a recent computer expo (COMDEX), Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated: "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon." In response to Bills comments, General Motors issued a press release stating (by Mr. Welch himself): "If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics: 1) For no reason whatsoever your car would crash twice a day. 2) Every time they painted new lines on the road you would have to buy a new car. 3) Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on. 4) Occasionally, executing a manoeuvre such as a left turn, would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine. 5) Only one person at a time could use the car, unless you bought "Car95" or "CarNT". But then you would have to buy more seats. 6) Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, reliable, five times as fast, and twice as easy to drive, but would only run on five percent of the roads. 7) The oil, water temperature and alternator warning lights would be replaced by a single "general car default" warning light. New seats would force everyone to have the same size butt. 9) The airbag system would say "Are you sure?" before going off. 10) Occasionally for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grab hold of the radio antenna. 11) GM would also require all car buyers to also purchase a deluxe set of Rand McNally road maps (now a GM subsidiary), even though they neither need them nor want them. Attempting to delete this option would immediately cause the cars performance to diminish by 50% or more. Moreover, GM would become a target for investigation by the Justice Department. 12) Every time GM introduced a new model car buyers would have to learn how to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car. 13) You would press the "start" button to shut off the engine.

I recognize how hard you try to stimulate interest in a different type of fun. I also respect your words of wisdom you occasionally post. I have also posted a few jokes and some were better than others. I slowed down a bit, but shall post occasionally. I am reminded of what Kurt Vonnegut once said: " People have to talk about something just to keep their voice boxes in working order, so they shall have good voice boxes in case there will ever be an occasion to say something really meaningful" So I shall keep a bit of continuing practicing and maybe one day I shall have something meaningful to say.

@zaphod, you always have something to offer, bet it encouragement, a funny joke, or just saying hi.

HI

THE IMPORTANCE OF EXERCISE An 80-year old man goes to the doctor for a check-up. The doctor is amazed at what good shape the guy is in and asks, "How do you stay in such great physical condition?" "I'm a golfer," says the old guy, "and that's why I'm in such good shape. I'm up well before daylight and out golfing up and down the fairways." "Well," says the doctor, "I'm sure that helps, but there's got to be more to it. How old was your dad when he died?" "Who said my dad's dead?" The doctor is amazed. "You mean you're 80 years old and your dad's still alive. How old is he?" "He's 103 years old," says the old golfer. "In fact he golfed with me this morning, and that's why he's still alive. He's a golfer too!" "Well," the doctor says, "that's great, but I'm sure there's more to it than that. How about your dad's dad? How old was he when he died?" "Who said my grandpa's dead?" Stunned, the doctor asks, "You mean you're 80 years old and your grandfather is still living.!? Incredible, how old is he?" "He's 128 years old," says the old golfer . The doctor is getting frustrated at this point, "So, I guess he went golfing with you this morning too?" "No.. Grandpa couldn't go this morning because he's getting married today..." At this point the doctor is close to losing it, "Getting married ! Why would a 128 year-old guy want to get married in the first place?" "Who said he wanted to? The bride is pregnant... that is why !!!"

Harleyman, that response from GM was funny and way to accurate, even though I do think Bill Gates is a smart man By the way Donna, that was a funny one you told.

Thanks @dphifer. Donna, now that is what I am talking about! Good and funny joke.

In a crowded elevator, Mrs. Jones became increasingly more annoyed at her husband who appeared to be delighted pressed tightly against a gorgeous young lady. When the elevator came to a final stop, the young woman squealed, slapped Mr Jones and said: "that will teach you to pinch me!" Later as he was getting in their car he was saying to his wife": " I cant understand it, I did not pinch that girl". His wife responded: " I know, my dear, that you did not, I did!"

It looks that finally this site will get busier. If Donna starts something the others usually follow her. Hopefully this is a good beginning for her.

One good slap deserves another ! Yes, I do believe we may have something here Watson.