For Donna: What is the difference between a cat and a coma? A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A comma is a pause at the end of a clause!

A father buffalo says to his son when he leaves home? "Bison!"

Pat and Mike were walking down the street, when they came to the church, Pat says, Mike, you wait here, I am going to run in for confession, it has been a long time. Pat enters the confessional and says, Father forgive me, I have sinned with a married woman. The priest asks, was it Mrs Murphy? No, Father, was the reply. Was it Mrs OBoyle? Again the reply was No, Father. Was it Mrs. OGrady? Pat said, Father, I will not be teling you the ladys name! So the priest told him to say two Hail Marys for each time he had sinned with the woman. Back on the street, Mike said, well, how did you do? Pat said, just fine, I kept me mouth shut and got 3 new prospects!

Now what about the hen who stooped in the middle of the highway? She wanted to lay it on the line!

Why did the duck and the goose cross the highway? Because the duck wanted to take a gander on the other side

And what about the duck who flew upside down? He quacked up

Speaking of down. Recently they raised the price of goose feathers. Now even the down is up

At a church meeting a very wealthy man rose to tell the rest of those present about his Christian faith. "I am a millionaire," he said, "and I attribute it all to the rich blessings of God in my life. I remember that turning point in my faith. I had just earned my first dollar and I went to a church meeting that night. The speaker was a missionary who told about his work. I knew that I only had a dollar bill and had to either give it all to Gods work or nothing at all. So at that moment I decided to give my whole dollar to God. I believe that God blessed that decision, and that is why I am a rich man today." He finished and there was an awed silence at his testimony as he moved toward his seat. As he sat down a little old lady sitting in the same pew leaned over and said to him: "I dare you to do it again."

There was an American basketball player that had a tournament in Belfast. After one of his games he stepped outside for a breath of fresh air when he felt a gun in his back. "What is your religion?" he heard the man growl. Bobby (the player) had no real religion but he knew if he said he was Catholic and this guy was a Protestant he would kill him and if he said he was Protestant and the guy was Catholic he would kill him. Thinking quickly he said "I am Jewish." and the man replied, "Oh Allah I must be the luckiest Arab in all of Ireland."

@harleyman I wonder which one of us will be the first to get tired of telling jokes?

Astrong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of Morris, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, Morris had enough. "Why dont you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a weeks wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you will not be able to wheel back." "You are on, old man," the braggart replied. "It is a bet! Let us see what you got." Morris reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in."

A large, well established, Canadian lumber camp advertised that they were looking for a good Lumberjack. The very next day, a skinny little man showed up at the camp with his axe, and knocked on the head lumberjacks door. The head lumberjack took one look at the little man and told him to leave. "Just give me a chance to show you what I can do," said the skinny man. "Okay, see that giant redwood over there?" said the lumberjack. "Take your axe and go cut it down." The skinny man headed for the tree, and in five minutes he was back knocking on the lumberjacks door. "I cut the tree down," said the man. The lumberjack could not believe his eyes and said, "Where did you get the skill to chop down trees like that?" "In the Sahara Forest," replied the puny man. "You mean the Sahara Desert," said the lumberjack. The little man laughed and answered back, "Oh sure, that is what they call it now!"

A philosopher stayed up all night wondering where the sun went. It finally dawned on him!!

If the workers in the mint went on strike, the reason might be that they want to make less money!

And we just keep on keeping on !! Very funny @zaphod!!

I never go to church," boasted a wandering member. "Perhaps you have noticed that pastor?" "Yes, I have noticed that," said the pastor. "Well, the reason I dont go is because there are so many hypocrites there." "Oh, dont let that keep you away," replied the pastor with a smile. "There is always room for one more."

An old man was wondering if his wife had a hearing problem. So one night, he stood behind her while she was sitting in her lounge chair. He spoke softly to her, "Honey, can you hear me?" There was no response. He moved a little closer and said again, "Honey, can you hear me?" Still, there was no response. Finally he moved right behind her and said, "Honey, can you hear me?" She replied, "For the third time, Yes!"

Sixty year old John went on to his annual checkup. The doctor asked him if he was still getting up in the middle of the night and going to the bathroom. He replied, "Yes But the lord has made it much better for me, He turns on the light when I go and He turns off the light when I am done". The doctor replied, "Really"!!! About and hour after that the doctor called Johns wife and said: He looks fine. But he said that God is making it better for him, when he gets up and Goes to the bathroom during the night, God turns on and off the light. She replied, "that old fool, he has been going to the bathroom in the refrigerator again."

Mrs. Smith, an elderly woman, went into the doctors office. When the doctor asked why she was there, she replied, "I would like to have some birth control pills." Quite surprised, the doctor thought for a minute and then said, "Excuse me, Mrs. Smith, but you are 75 years old. What possible use could you have for birth control pills?" The woman responded, "They help me sleep better." The doctor thought some more and continued, "How in the world do birth control pills help you to sleep?" The woman said, "I put them in my granddaughters orange juice and I sleep better at night."

I have to stop reading your jokes to night.My diaphragm is hurting from laughing. Besides I still have to try lowering my score.