Thank you James

No, thank you @zaphod for sharing...

zaphod,why are you so quite?

It is my age. I tire easily. My repertoire of jokes is barely touched yet, but I prefer if James posts. He is more accepted by the multitude and that is good for him.

More items for your ongoing entertainment

Thanks @zaphod, I just posted that on Facebook...

Zaphod.... I thought your last jokes were a bit 'wordy'.

Oh please Robin, wordy, shirley you could have come up with a "bit" more.

Ey... that's all I had a the moment. The play on words suited my fancy.

Definitely "suited" your fancy King,

Zaphod.. this one is for you. What did the momma cow say to the baby cow ? " It is pasture bedtime."

Two men were out golfing. As one was ready to take his shot, a funeral procession drove by the golf course. The man stopped what he was doing, put down his club, and took off his hat and placed it over his heart. His partner was moved by this and said, "Thats the nicest thing I have even seen you do!" The man looked back at him and said, "Well, thats the least I could do after 20 years of marriage..."

Cemetery A man placed some flowers on the grave of his departed mother and started back for his car, parked on the cemetery road. His attention was diverted to a man kneeling at a grave. The man seemed to be praying with profound intensity, and kept repeating, "Why did you die? Why did you die?" The first man approached him and said, "Sir, I don't want to interfere with your private grief, but this demonstration of hurt and pain is more than I've ever seen before. For whom do you mourn so deeply? Your Child? A parent? Who, may I ask, lies in that grave?" The mourner answered, "My wife's first husband! ... Why did you die? Why did you die?"

An elderly gentleman sits on a bench in the park, moaning and crying bitterly. A sympathetic man sits down next to him, pats him on the shoulder and says: " You look very unhappy my friend, is your life that tough?" " On the contrary, life could not be any better. I have a wondreful life. The best I ever had. I am nearly 90 and last month married a 28 year old beatiful woman. She is fantastic. Looks after me. Caters to me," - he says between his crying. " She cooks my favourite dishes, she keeps the house spotless. We make hanky - panky. I have the best life!". "So what is wrong? Why are you so unhappy?" "I don t know where I live!"

Funny, heard it before and laughed again. LOL

As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please." Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop. He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, and trot across the road to a bus stop. The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus. The butcher follows, dumbstruck. As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" button, then the butcher follows him off. The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the stoop. He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the door. He does this again and again. No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door. A big guy opens it and starts cursing and pummeling the dog. The butcher runs up screams at the guy: "What the hell are you doing? This dog's a genius!" The owner responds, "Genius, my ass. It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"

A blonde has sharp pains in her side. The doctor examines her and says, "You have acute appendicitis." The blonde says, "That's sweet, doc, but I came here to get medical help."

HA ha.

Men are like a pack of Cards: A "heart" to love them A "diamond" to marry them A "club" to smack them and A "spade" to bury the body...

I get enough excercise just pushing my luck.