Ways to keep healthy levels of insanity in the workplace: 1. Page yourself over the intercom. (Do not disguise your voice.) 2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Always wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is a different gender than you are.) 3. While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in "Palmolive." 4. Put up mosquito netting around your cubicle. 5. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask them if they want fries with that. 6. Put your garbage can on your desk. Label it "IN." 7. Determine how many cups of coffee are "too many." 8. Put decaf in the coffeemaker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso. 9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." 10. If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. 11. When driving colleagues around insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." 12. Reply to everything someone says with "that is what YOU think?" 13. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a Parakeet. 14. Sit in the parking lot at lunchtime pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. 15. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles".

Before going to Europe on business, a man drives his Rolls-Royce to a downtown New York City bank and asks for an immediate loan of $5,000. The loan officer, taken aback, requests collateral. "Well then, here are the keys to my Rolls-Royce," the man says. The loan officer promptly has the car driven into the banks underground parking for safe keeping and gives the man the $5,000. Two weeks later, the man walks through the bank's doors and asks to settle up his loan and get his car back. "That will be $5,000 in principal, and $15.40 in interest," the loan officer says. The man writes out a check and starts to walk away. "Wait, sir," the loan officer says. "You are a millionaire. Why in the world would you need to borrow $5,000?" The man smiles, "Where else could I find a safer place to park my Rolls-Royce in Manhattan for two weeks and pay only $15.40?"

The other day I held the door open for a clown. I thought it was a nice jester.

What did the naughty little diamondback say to his big sister? "Do not be such a rattle-tail!"

What does an exhibitionistic snake wear to the beach? A pythong.

What is a snakes favorite subject? Hissssstory!

What does a boa constrictor use to make herself look prettier? Hair coilers!

Knock, knock. Who is there? Snakeskin. Snakeskin who? Snakeskin bite, but we would rather run away.

How does a snake shoot something? With a boa and arrow!

Q: How many San Diego Chargers does it take to win a Super Bowl? A: Nobody knows and we may never find out

Q: What is the difference between the San Diego Chargers and a dollar bill? A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar bill.

Q: What do the San Diego Chargers and possums have in common? A: Both play dead at home and get killed on the road!

Q: Where do you go in San Diego in case of a tornado? A: Qualcomm Stadium - they never get a touchdown there!

US tourists, a man and his wife are traveling in the Middle East. An Arab approaches the husband, saying,

Zaphod,the first time I heard the joke about the wong number,I kicked the slats out of my cradle.That was a long time ago.

A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and talk turns to their adventures on the sea. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, a hook, and an eye patch. The seaman asks, "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies, "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out, a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well", replied the pirate, "We were boarding an enemy ship and were battling the other sailors with swords. One of the enemy cut my hand off." That is Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eye patch"? "A seagull dropping fell into my eye," replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a seagull dropping?," the sailor asked incredulously. "Well," said the pirate, "it was my first day with my hook"

@claudine: Thank you for your comment. So true what you say. In my student years. and that is also a long time ago I made a bit of living out of telling jokes. I then realized that thetre are no new jokes only people with short memories.

Short memories, funny @zaphod...

What did one eye say to the other eye?Between us,something smells.