It is worth a try @zaphod, I do not think it would hurt, who knows, you just might shoot right up to the top of the heap...

?

Sorry. Here it is: Two elderly women were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

A state trooper spied a car puttering along at 22 MPH. So he turned on his lights and pulled the driver over. Approaching the car, he noticed that five old guys were inside, and they looked wide-eyed and terribly pale. The driver pleaded with him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Sir," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but driving slower than the speed limit can also be dangerous." "I beg to differ, Officer, I was doing the speed limit exactly: twenty-two miles an hour!" the old man said. The trooper, chuckling, explained to him that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the man grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out his error. "But before I let you go, Sir, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These guys seem awfully shaken." "Oh, they will be all right in a minute," the old man said. "We just got off Route 119."

73 year old guy driving on the highway. His wife calls him on his cell phone and in a worried voice says, "Herman, be careful! I just heard on the radio that there was a madman driving the wrong way on Route 280!" Herman says, "I know, but there is not just one, there are hundreds!"

Joe loved golf, but his eyesight had gotten so bad, that he couldn't find his ball once he had hit it. He consulted with his wife, and she recommended that Joe bring along her uncle Ted. Joe said, "But Ted is 80 years old and half senile!" His wife replied, "Yes, but his eyesight is incredible." Joe finally agreed and took Ted along. He teed off and could feel that he had hit it solidly. He asked Ted, "Do you see it?" Ted nodded his head and said, "Boy, that was a beautiful shot!" Joe excitedly asked, "Well, where did it land?!" Ted said, "Hmmm. I forget."

@zaphod, I had to lie down to read these, they were that funny...

You know I like to test your funny bone but I dont want to endanger your tail bone as you need it to ride your bike.

@claudine: Sorry but I managed 160 (with help!). I am however your elder and thus entitled to take some liberties. I left in compensation a few old folks jokes.

Dennis the Roofer had a problem with getting up late in the morning and was regularly late coming to work. The boss was getting very angry with him, and threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about the problem. Dennis went to his doctor, who gave him a pill and told him to take it at night to help him sleep. Dennis slept very well, and actually got up before his alarm went off. After enjoying a leisurely breakfast, he cheerfully drove to work, where his boss greeted him at the job site. "Boss, the pill the doctor gave me actually worked!" he exclaimed. "How nice for you," his boss glared, "but where were you YESTERDAY?

Question: Why did the roofer go to the doctor? Answer: Because he had a bad case of SHINGLES...

The electrician was suspected of wiretapping once but was never charged. The carpenter thought he was a stud. He tried to frame another man one time. The glazier went to great panes to conceal his past. He still claims that he didn't do anything; that he was framed. The painter had a brush with the law several years ago. The heating, ventilation and air conditioning contractor was known to pack heat. He was arrested once but duct the charges. The mason was suspect because he gets stoned regularly. The cabinet maker is an accomplished counter fitter. The roofer, though often high, claimed he was above it all. The autopsy led the police to arrest the roofer, who subsequently confessed. The evidence against him was irrefutable, because it was found that the workman, when he died, was hammered.

Some roofers were fixing a roof in the pouring rain. Halfway through the job one of the roofers needed to go to the toilet. He climbed down the ladder and knocked on the customers door.

Classics @zaphod...

Thank you. Yes they are. It is a pity that I cannot share my collection of rabbinical; Talmudic and Yiddish jokes. That is my specialty and I have a truly classic collection of those and they are truly classics.

Imagine James. over 20,000 visitors so far and most of the jokes provided by you and me. If you add to it the jokes you post on Chat, there is a record number. I keep telling you. We should open a Cabaret of classic jokes and we would make a mint.

It is hard to imagine that many folks have visited this Forum. Open one called Classic Joke Cabaret...

Both of you are crazy,of that ,I am sure of.

@claudine: There are all kinds of craziness. This is one:The psychology instructor had just finished a lecture on mental health and was giving an oral test. Speaking specifically about manic depression, she asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and answered, "A basketball coach?"