Claudine, if James was touchy, than everyone would get on my nerves. But then again, I was being foolish just then for comparing myself to James, not that he such is a bad guy. It is just plain foolish to compare yourself with anyone. There is only one that can be used as a plumb line. When you stand next to Him, not only do you realize your shortcomings, but that He is willing to help.

I am simply overwhelmed...with laughter that is, Robin you made me plumb fall outta my chair and my side hurts...

Well, James, I thought I would mention that in jesting, yet being serious at the same time.

When you are as cross-eyed and bow-legged as I, I cannot tell the difference...

James I keep telling you: READ JOKES ONLY WHEN YOU ARE LYING DOWN. Now you fell again and hurt your side. Was it the funny or the other side?

It was the Funny Bone...

zaphod,we will not be a spiritual being until we are saved by the grace of God,here on this earth,and die and go to heaven.Then our spirit,goes back to the one that gave it.God our father.

I hope you all do not mind me joining in,with your jokes and conversation.If you do,just tell me,ok?

Claudine, this is an open forum. I did not start this thread, but I am sure James does not mind at all. For me I include God in everything I do. I know Zaphod welcomes your input as well.

Not one teensy bit @claudine, you are more than welcome to join in on all the jokes and conversations, I am sure we are all delighted to have you, I know I do...

@claudine: Welcome. Hope you will also bring others with you or following you. It was a bit lonely so far. The more join the conversation the more we shall learn from each other.

WTG @zaphod for your star

Twinkle, twinkle? Is it also noblesse oblige? Do I have to now keep up working for them? I rather keep telliong jokes. May be we should start giving out stars for jokes!

If I could find a way to do stars I would...

A couple goes out to dinner to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary. On the way home, she notices a tear in his eye and asks if he is getting sentimental because they are celebrating 50 wonderful years together. He replies, "No, I was thinking about the time before we got married. Your father threatened me with a shotgun and said he will have me thrown in jail for 50 years if I did not marry you. Tomorrow I would have been a free man!" l

@zaphod, you posted that joke January 30, 2014, it is on page 63, but it was worth another laugh...

Two elderly women Marie & Edith were out driving in a large car-both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The Edith in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was red again and again they went right though. This time Edith was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention to the road and the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through and she turned to the Marie and said, "Marie! Did you know we just ran through three red lights in a row! You could have killed us!" Marie turned to her and said, "Oh, am I driving?"

Obviously my memory is not as keen as it used to be. Thank you for reminding me. I am now retired so I am revisiting my collection of old folks jokes. I emailed you one on being green

Thanks @zaphod, that was the best one yet. I thoroghly enjoyed it...

Being Green Checking out at the store, the young cashier suggested to the much older woman, that she should bring her own grocery bags because plastic bags weren't good for the environment. The woman apologized and explained, "We didn't have this 'green thing' back in my earlier days." The young clerk responded, "That's our problem today. Your generation did not care enough to save our environment for future generations." She was right -- our generation didn't have the 'green thing' in its day. Back then, we returned milk bottles, soda bottles and beer bottles to the store. The store sent them back to the plant to be washed and sterilized and refilled, so it could use the same bottles over and over. So they really were recycled. But we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Grocery stores bagged our groceries in brown paper bags, that we reused for numerous things, most memorable besides household garbage bags, was the use of brown paper bags as book covers for our schoolbooks. This was to ensure that public property, (the books provided for our use by the school) was not defaced by our scribblings. Then we were able to personalize our books on the brown paper bags. But too bad we didn't do the "green thing" back then. We walked up stairs, because we didn't have an escalator in every store and office building. We walked to the grocery store and didn't climb into a 300-horsepower machine every time we had to go two blocks. But she was right. We didn't have the "green thing" in our day. Back then, we washed the baby's diapers because we didn't have the throwaway kind. We dried clothes on a line, not in an energy-gobbling machine burning up 220 volts -- wind and solar power really did dry our clothes back in our early days. Kids got hand-me-down clothes from their brothers or sisters, not always brand-new clothing. But that young lady is right; we didn't have the "green thing" back in our day. Back then, we had one TV, or radio, in the house -- not a TV in every room. And the TV had a small screen the size of a handkerchief (remember them?), not a screen the size of the state of Montana . In the kitchen, we blended and stirred by hand because we didn't have electric machines to do everything for us. When we packaged a fragile item to send in the mail, we used wadded up old newspapers to cushion it, not Styrofoam or plastic bubble wrap. Back then, we didn't fire up an engine and burn gasoline just to cut the lawn. We used a push mower that ran on human power. We exercised by working so we didn't need to go to a health club to run on treadmills that operate on electricity. But she's right; we didn't have the "green thing" back then. We drank from a fountain when we were thirsty instead of using a cup or a plastic bottle every time we had a drink of water. We refilled writing pens with ink instead of buying a new pen, and we replaced the razor blades in a razor instead of throwing away the whole razor just because the blade got dull. But we didn't have the "green thing" back then. Back then, people took the streetcar or a bus and kids rode their bikes to school or walked instead of turning their moms into a 24-hour taxi service in the family's $45,000 SUV or van, which cost what a whole house did before the "green thing." We had one electrical outlet in a room, not an entire bank of sockets to power a dozen appliances. And we didn't need a computerized gadget to receive a signal beamed from satellites 23,000 miles out in space in order to find the nearest burger joint. But isn't it sad the current generation laments how wasteful we old folks were just because we didn't have the "green thing" back then? Please forward this on to another selfish old person who needs a lesson in conservation from a smartass young person... We don't like being old in the first place, so it doesn't take much to piss us off... especially from a tattooed, multiple pierced smartass who can't make change without the cash register telling them how much.